Everyone knows communication is important, in life, in work, in love. But when do we actually learn what good communication looks like? Maybe our parents demonstrate it; however, we are not our parents, so what works for them might not suit us.
Communication when pursuing FIRE with a partner is paramount. Scott Rieckens wrote about his concerns about approaching his wife; that she might think he's blaming her for their financial situation or become defensive when he mentions spending less.
My partner is a bit of the opposite. He was already trying to come up with ways for us to save money; he didn't push them on me as I was still clearing my debt. Now that it's taken care of, he's very excited for our future. He's been talking about maybe moving into an old RV to live extra cheap, like other FIRE people have done, since rent is our largest expense. His aunt and uncle have a huge fifth-wheeler and they live comfortably in that most of the year.
The problem was communication. The way he was texting it, and we all know how tone is lost over text, made it sound to me that he wanted us to be packed up and moved out in a couple of months. However, this basement suite we're living in is the place I remade myself in. After the breakup, I could have crumpled; heartbreak is an easy door into self-pity. But I specifically chose this place because my landlady has gone through something similar and was very kind, it's newly renovated, clean, doesn't smell like someone else, has a backyard, in-suite laundry, hydro and internet included, and it's in a beautiful area where I get to meet lots of dogs to sate my desire to have a pet. The comfort and beauty of this place didn't let me wallow in sorrow for long, and I do feel comfortable calling this place home.
So when he was talking about moving to an RV, or finding a cheaper place, my hackles went up. "I've only been here for 10 months. I just got settled. My landlady is great. The area is quiet. I get to have a garden bed in the backyard, and a patio." All these reasons for continuing to pay $1350 gurgled up in me. I felt nervous about his drive to save, save, save.
However, when I got home and we actually spoke, he made it clear that he was talking about in a few years. He knew he was getting excited and a bit ahead of himself, but he didn't realize that he was making it sound like we have to go now!
One possible move was agreed on though. We both work for the same public library system. He works in shipping and receiving in our administrative centre, and I work in the libraries, on-call filling in shifts. Doesn't sound like steady work but I work 5 days a week if I want to; 7 if I was really tough. However, I take shifts at up to 10 libraries all within a 50km radius of where we live, whereas he only works in one place.
If I was lucky enough to get a regular job in our administrative centre which is one city over, where he works, then the smartest thing to do would be to move closer to work. As much as I am loathe to move into a bigger city that's noisier, more crowded, and doesn't have as much green space as our current place, I couldn't reconcile the loss of savings.
That is my compromise for now. I will continue to think about the RV option, and he's going to try to remember to put a time frame on his enthusiastic ideas so as to not freak me out. We have come to an understanding and learned something about our communications.
Communication when pursuing FIRE with a partner is paramount. Scott Rieckens wrote about his concerns about approaching his wife; that she might think he's blaming her for their financial situation or become defensive when he mentions spending less.
My partner is a bit of the opposite. He was already trying to come up with ways for us to save money; he didn't push them on me as I was still clearing my debt. Now that it's taken care of, he's very excited for our future. He's been talking about maybe moving into an old RV to live extra cheap, like other FIRE people have done, since rent is our largest expense. His aunt and uncle have a huge fifth-wheeler and they live comfortably in that most of the year.
The problem was communication. The way he was texting it, and we all know how tone is lost over text, made it sound to me that he wanted us to be packed up and moved out in a couple of months. However, this basement suite we're living in is the place I remade myself in. After the breakup, I could have crumpled; heartbreak is an easy door into self-pity. But I specifically chose this place because my landlady has gone through something similar and was very kind, it's newly renovated, clean, doesn't smell like someone else, has a backyard, in-suite laundry, hydro and internet included, and it's in a beautiful area where I get to meet lots of dogs to sate my desire to have a pet. The comfort and beauty of this place didn't let me wallow in sorrow for long, and I do feel comfortable calling this place home.
So when he was talking about moving to an RV, or finding a cheaper place, my hackles went up. "I've only been here for 10 months. I just got settled. My landlady is great. The area is quiet. I get to have a garden bed in the backyard, and a patio." All these reasons for continuing to pay $1350 gurgled up in me. I felt nervous about his drive to save, save, save.
However, when I got home and we actually spoke, he made it clear that he was talking about in a few years. He knew he was getting excited and a bit ahead of himself, but he didn't realize that he was making it sound like we have to go now!
One possible move was agreed on though. We both work for the same public library system. He works in shipping and receiving in our administrative centre, and I work in the libraries, on-call filling in shifts. Doesn't sound like steady work but I work 5 days a week if I want to; 7 if I was really tough. However, I take shifts at up to 10 libraries all within a 50km radius of where we live, whereas he only works in one place.
If I was lucky enough to get a regular job in our administrative centre which is one city over, where he works, then the smartest thing to do would be to move closer to work. As much as I am loathe to move into a bigger city that's noisier, more crowded, and doesn't have as much green space as our current place, I couldn't reconcile the loss of savings.
That is my compromise for now. I will continue to think about the RV option, and he's going to try to remember to put a time frame on his enthusiastic ideas so as to not freak me out. We have come to an understanding and learned something about our communications.
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